Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
