And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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