Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
