I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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