Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
