If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
