it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
