im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
