they need to just BURY HIM!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You took a bar mat shot.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
