I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
