i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
