I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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