Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize