drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize