It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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