Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
