Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
