So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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