I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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