the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
