i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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