I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
