The brown eye won't let me do that either.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
