Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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