Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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