all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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