I faked an abortion last night.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So much rum. So many feels.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
