After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
