Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
