how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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