I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
