Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
