My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize