just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Found the puke drawer
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
