I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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