idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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