You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
