For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
