Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
