i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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