the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
