so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
