You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize