Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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