my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
