Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize