If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
