Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
