I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
