just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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