her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
