Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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