I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
