OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Where is the hickey?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
