the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize