I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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