I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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