He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
