i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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