The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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