What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
