the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize