i'm signing you up for texting rehab
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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