Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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