there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
