There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
