I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
