I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
