It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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