no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize