So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
