Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
