Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
