You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Your cock deserves a montage
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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