if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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