Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Semen is not good for contacts.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
