dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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