you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
