It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I CAN MOONWALK!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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