I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
