just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize