he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
