How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
