So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
