Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
