I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
