why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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