onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
