Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
