I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
is wine microwaveable?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize