Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
