The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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