If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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