is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
should my penis look like a turkey
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
